… How do I get more matches?
… How do I make sure that I get the nice men interested?
… How do I filter out those men who just want to get into bed?
In this article I give you the tinder tips for women I have gained by interviewing hundreds of men in recent years …
Because who better can tell you how you get it than that perfect man himself?
In this article you will learn
- How to get many more matches with the right men
- How to use approach bait to make it appeal to you right away
- 4 Errors that many women make that the conversation goes wrong
- How to make him wild about you
- The # 1 trick to ensure that you are on a date go
- A faulty men’s filter to detect wrong intentions
You need to know this before you want to date that nice man
When working with Tinder you must first realize this …
With Tinder we have taken a step back in evolution.
Yep, thanks to the digital age we have actually become a bit more caveman again.
At least, we men then 😉
I will explain it briefly.
There used to be huge competition between the males. They were constantly testing who was the strongest and who could be the leader.
When one of the females ovulated, the males tried to fertilize her one by one. But only if a male had already proven to be strong and powerful did she allow him. After all, she prefers strong offspring, not from some weak monkey.
In short, and it still is, it is ultimately you as a woman who decides which man she ‘chooses’.
The woman is the boss
Men are very aware of this … And that is why they swipe almost everyone to the right (they likealmost all women).
If she even looks a bit appetizing, he doesn’t even look at your next photos …
Because he knows very well that if he liked 100 women, he might get 2 matches.
For them it is really a numbers game .
As often, this food was for scientists who immediately devoted a whole lot of research to it.
Men only match 0.6% of all women they like.
While women have a match with 10.5% !
As a man it is always great to look over the shoulders as women Tinderen. I have done it regularly when I coach women.
Where men like button it rams almost finished, women are very closely all photos to view a man … They weigh and weigh … To finally decide that he still has not biting.
Shania Twain even made a video clip about it:
Logically also from an evolutionary point of view … In the pub you get a quick impression of someone’s masculinity , self-confidence and all those other qualities that are important to determine if he is ‘man’ enough for you.
Try to judge that well on Tinder !
It is therefore also up to you to filter all weirdos from your final matches as quickly as possible and men with other intentions than you…
And if you find him interesting and fun, you don’t even have to go to great lengths to get him interested … Otherwise he wouldn’t have matched you … You shouldn’t ruin it !
There are more things you can do ERROR by accident than things that you still have to do GOOD.
And what those are, and how you ensure that the right men match you, we will now discuss that.
Tinder profile photos
Let’s start at the beginning: Your photos on Tinder.
Now I often hear 2 completely different questions from women when it comes to matches and the profile.
The first question is: How do I get more matches?
The second: How do I keep the creeps and men who want only one thing out?
What I would recommend is to first make sure you have enough matches, and then adjust your profile to match the right men more and keep the wrong men away.
Why? Because you can only become critical when you have a choice.
It ensures that you come across as less needy (more on that later). And let’s be honest, it’s pretty nice for your confidence to see that a lot of men match you right?
# 1 How do you get more matches
Very briefly: The sexier your photo, the more matches you get.
Unfortunately we men are so superficial. My sincere apologies for my gender.
Men are very visually oriented, and as soon as we see an attractive lady, everything happens inside.
We will of course swipe you to the right!
It is our nature . It is not right or wrong, it is as it is.
However, it does not mean that you increase your chances of a nice date and a great relationship.
Well, actually, because guaranteed that there are really nice serious men among them (yes, they also swipe your sexy photo to the right), but it will be a hell of a chore to find it among all the weeds.
But be careful…
There is a difference between sexy and seductive
Seductive means that you are very consciously ‘playing’ with him. That you try to seduce him through your photo.
That you look at the camera with your night dress on, while you caress your hand around your neck.
Look, then it simply becomes ordinary. And then you definitely attract the wrong types.
Sexy means that you show just a little more exposed …
That you are wearing a dress that makes your contours more visible …
And not only have a portrait photo but a photo that shows your whole body …
For example at a cocktail party .
Look at the little bird and smile!
Yes, the photographers of the past knew what they were talking about.
A study by OKCupid has shown that women who look at the camera and laugh or flirt, receive by far the most new matches.
The same study investigated what type of photos yielded the most matches.
As you can see, the MySpace shot as they call it here is by far the most successful.
It is a selfie taken from above in which you automatically look sexy.
Take a good look at the graph and discover what does and does not work at all.
If you want more matches, you should definitely NOT do this
There are also a few absolute killers if you want more matches …
Do not show your best photo first
Men often do not look further than your first photo, so make sure it is your best.
No clear photos of yourself
Only photos from far away or only passport photos don’t work for him. Do you know what he thinks?
Apparently she is so unattractive that she does not dare to show herself .
She only shows her head, then she must be very fat .
Group photos (first)
If we do not know who you are in the group, we are much more likely to swipe you away.
I emphasize it only once more … there is little more attractive for a man than a woman who laughs. It is incredibly feminine and it immediately makes us happy. So don’t look so seriously!
# 2 How do I make sure I match the right men
How do I keep out creeps, weirdos and men who only want sex?
And preferably, how do I match the right men ?
Everything starts with, and this is nicely contradictory to the previous tip, less sexy in the photo 😉
And that is exactly why I recommend that you first go for more matches and only then for quality: you want to find the sweet spot where you are not too sexy, but also not unwashed in your old coffee at the kitchen table.
There are two extremes:
If you have extremely attractive and sexy photos, all men will match you. From the perfect man to the creepy self – proclaimed cat whisperers . (And we’re not talking about the Cesar Milan for cats)
The other extreme, if you have very bad photos, then you only match the men that nobody wants. Who are so desperate and unattractive that they fall for every woman who gives them attention. (If you come across them, please refer them to me 😉)
You want to find the perfect middle where the wrong men lose weight but you are still interesting and attractive enough for the right man.
Show that you are more than a nice picture
In addition to finding the right sexiness factor, you increase your chances by showing who you are and what your passions are in your photos.
Are you crazy about traveling? Post some travel photos .
Are you a party-goer? Post photos with your girlfriends at a party .
Do you like beach walks and the sea? Make sure you have some snaps of that.
What you show of yourself is what you attract.
To warn you, there are a few things that most men are allergic to:
Horse girls . He does not want to compete with your horse (or any other animal).
Boring house beeps . Avoid doing really bad things on your photos. If that is what awaits him, he will see it quickly.
Salt plains. The number of photos we encounter of vast salt plains is too high!
Dry tigers . Nice that you are photographed with a wild animal, but we have seen it a thousand times.
# 3 And the Tinder profile text?
We would almost forget it, but you can add a profile text below your photos.
Is it still important? Or is it just about the photos.
Most women, when judging a man, look at that text. If he says something nice or original that gives her a smile, that is a big plus. It can make the difference between swiping to the right or not.
For men it is a bit different. He primarily looks at your photos. Of course he sometimes also looks at your text. And certainly if he wants to talk to you, he will delve into it completely (more about that later).
But the text will never be the deciding factor why he liked you.
It can, however , be the deciding factor, which means that it will completely turn your back on you .
There are two major mistakes that many women make in their profile text:
Profile text error 1: They list their CV
Look, what makes us all very happy is a spontaneous playful and energetic woman. One that gives us meaning in life.
What the contrary proves is a very boring list of what she does in life in terms of work and what she thinks of herself … And worse: what she looks for in a man.
Then you get these types of texts:
I am a project manager during the week and at the weekend I like to do fun things with my girlfriends … I am fun, funny and caring and I enjoy working out.
Look, it’s nice that you tell that, but it doesn’t affect us emotionally . It seems boring.
The content is not boring, but it says something about you that you tell it that way. You tell it boring .
Think about your profile text: I don’t want to tell how nice I am, I want to show how nice I am.
If he gets a smile from your profile text, you know you’re in the right place.
Profile text error 2: Being too difficult
It won’t be the first time I read in a profile:
Kissing on the first did I do not !!!
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.
What this tells us?
Pfff that’s a nasty woman.
Not that we have to kiss you per se, but the fact that you say it that way, makes it a point, destroys all attraction.
It is terribly unattractive!
# 4 How you make sure he appeals to you
You may think if you have a match:
If he likes me then he will speak to me right?
But do you know that men are often much more insecure than their hard exterior suggests?
Suppose he likes you in the photos, and he just says the wrong thing …
You don’t respond then, and he blew it … While you are so much fun!
And a huge dent for his ego .
You will be surprised how many men are staring at your profile for an hour, looking for the perfect opening sentence to make a great first impression …
And suppose your profile consists of 3 photos that are all the same and you don’t have a profile text …
Then you make it difficult for him to come up with a good opening sentence!
And then he thinks about it for a while …
And delay comes cancellation.
While he may be your perfect man!
So what you need in your profile is:
You want to make sure that there are enough hooks that he can eat .
Funny or special things that happen in your photos …
Beautiful environments or activities …
And funny statements in your profile text …
So that you can make it incredibly easy to talk to you.
And not only does it help to get the conversation going, you also have enough material if the conversation comes to a halt .
Make sure that for example you do something in a photo that is not entirely clear what is happening. So that he can easily ask something about what is happening.
Or that something very funny happens in a photo.
And your profile text can also offer a solution for addressing.
Put something funny or challenging in it so that it becomes very tempting and easy for him to respond to it.
# 5 Can I also address him?
Well, but what if you don’t want to wait for him? Or does it take a long time before he appeals to you?
Yes, rest assured, you can of course address him .
There are a few things to look out for.
We men know very well that we should actually take the lead, and that it is expected of us.
When a woman does it, it quickly comes across as needy . A woman who must address me? Then she certainly does not have enough contacts with men … Then she must be quite desperate.
As far as we men know Desperate Housewives , this is what we imagine. Women who want too badly!
We get that negative feeling the most when you address us men very boring with something like:
… Hi Mathijs
… hi, How are you?
It is just as annoying that a man starts against you that way 😉
Or if you ask a too interested question about something in our profile:
… Wow you play the guitar?
… You are a plumber? How cool! How is that?
You start the best with something teasing … Something that excites that nice man.
Now he feels right away that they are playing with him and that you are not too easy, and he will immediately do his best to come up with a striking response.
When he then responds, also try to give him the direction of the conversation.
It is tempting, because you appeal to him, to accidentally step into the role of the hunter . However, that is precisely what he has to do …
So send him something teasing, and let him take charge of the conversation right away.
Et voila! Your conversation has started.
# 6 Why you don’t want to arouse his interest
Huh, but Mathijs, I don’t want him to like me, do I?
Well, I’ll explain it to you.
You are talking to him, and of course you want him to love you …
And that he eventually asks you out on a date.
But do you know what it is?
As soon as you start doing your best to look nice, there is a good chance that you will ruin it.
Remember that he is the hunter, and you are the beautiful fallow deer .
If a score was kept, you were actually ahead … Because as you read before, the woman is actually the one who selects . It is up to the man to sell himself to you.
To prove that he is man enough for you …
Because believe me, in 90% of the cases the man knows when he matches you that he wants to meet you in real life.
This of course does not mean that you have to come across as the evil witch from Narnia .
But if you accidentally switch roles and consciously try to impress him, he will feel that through your messages.
Then he feels that the roles are very subtly reversed.
And then you ruin it for yourself.
An already shot deer is no longer interesting for the hunter in him.
His interest is already there in principle, you don’t have to generate it anymore.
You just have to make sure that you don’t accidentally screw it up.
There are 4 things that you can do wrong that causes his interest to dry up faster than a raindrop in the Sahara:
Error 1: You don’t get a ball of flirting
This is what makes the big difference between an interesting attractive woman and a woman who is quickly pushed aside.
A certain tension must arise in a conversation … It arouses playful emotions and makes you very interesting.
And if all goes well, it also makes him at least as interesting.
If someone does not understand this (men are sometimes dramatic in it), then you get a very boring conversation where facts and interests are exchanged.
You know each other completely at some point, but there is zero attraction.
He might find you interesting, but he does n’t feel anything about you.
How do you do that?
The core of flirting is teasing and challenging … Continuously handing out small stitches to which he must react again.
Error 2: You want too badly
If you do not like someone so much, then it is suddenly very easy to be somewhat aloof and sometimes not respond for days.
But as soon as you like someone, everything suddenly changes!
You WANT that he likes you, so he laughs at everything he says, stares at your screen all day to respond immediately as soon as he sends something, etc …
Maybe you have experienced a man react to you like that. He suddenly became very uninteresting, didn’t he?
The other way around is of course exactly the same.
Unconsciously this happens:
If she wants so badly, then she won’t be very interesting, fun or self-confident, otherwise she would have more choice of men and would be more critical towards me.
In addition, men attach great importance to freedom and autonomy. And a woman who is constantly on top of them (figuratively happy) scares them what it would be like if they had a relationship.
So: Don’t be overly enthusiastic about everything he says, and sometimes react a little slower.
Error 3: You play hard-to-get
Well, Mathijs, you’re not making it easy for us … Don’t like to play, but don’t want to play hard-to-get either?
Look, it’s good to keep some distance sometimes, but playing hard-to-get is the other extreme.
When a woman is very difficult or never shows any interest, a man is quickly done with it.
Every now and then he has to see rewards for the effort he makes. So play with it: Sometimes you compliment him, you like something, and a little later you take away your positive attention.
Then will he stays after you chase . Because he wants more of what he sometimes sees of you.
Error 4: Take charge
A man always wants to feel that he is the boss. That he is in charge of the conversation. If you take too much initiative, take too much leadership, it annoys him.
It feels like he has to compete with you for who’s more masculine.
Every time you take initiative, or hunt for him, he is hit by his manhood. And he doesn’t like that .
For example, I remember having a wife on Tinder and then on Whatsapp. And spontaneously she suddenly called me in the evening: Yes, I was bored, I think, I’ll call you .
Too much initiative!
Or another lady who wrote: Hey you live in Amsterdam West, right? I am close by this afternoon, I will stop by for a drink .
Too much guidance!
Can you never ask him for a date? Not really.
But that does not mean that you cannot still take the initiative in a devious way … We will get to that in a moment!
# 7 Filter the right men
So the most important thing you actually want to do in your conversation are two things:
- Find out as quickly as possible what his intentions are. And whether they match what you are looking for.
- See if you have chemistry.
There are a number of signals to find out if he is relationship-minded or just wants sex.
First look at his profile photos … Does he really show something of his life there? Or is it all about his body or a certain sex appeal.
In the latter case, that is a clear hint that he is only looking for sex.
Never make the mistake that you can change it . If he has no relationship intention, he will not allow himself to become emotionally invested.
Does he tell about himself?
When you are talking, does he tell you more about his life? Or does he just keep flirting.
And if you ask him about other things, he will really go into it, or try to send it back to the playful as soon as possible.
Note, flirting is good, if the content is sometimes also about other things!
Is he interested in you?
Does he ask you questions? And if you tell something, does he keep asking?
If he is genuinely interested in you, he will want to know more about you.
Does he urge very quickly to meet?
It is not necessary, but it can also be a signal about his intentions.
Topics such as previous relationships, etc …
Wait! Before you immediately ask him if he is looking for a relationship, let me explain this to you.
What you do NOT want to do is consciously ask all kinds of relationship-critical questions. Then it becomes a kind of interview for a new job. It also takes the fun out of the conversation.
But see if you can ask things in a playful or funny way such as:
- He has often met women through Tinder
- What were his last exciting adventures
- What is his ideal date
And see how he responds to that.
What you can also do is make him a joke for player and shout that he will probably have new free-range weekly via Tinder.
# 8 Chemistry? Do not wait any longer…
I recently received the following question by e-mail:
Mathijs, I have been chatting with a man on Tinder for almost a week now and I really like him. I think he likes me too. I’m sure he’s gonna ask me for a date any time. Can’t I wait a little longer to get to know each other better? And to be sure that he is serious? What if it doesn’t click?
Only when you really meet someone do you know, do you feel, whether there is a real click . Whether you potentially have a future together.
And, let’s be honest … The app gets boring at some point … You miss all non-verbal communication, and at a certain point you have discussed everything a bit.
That is why I say:
As soon as you notice that you have fun on the app and there is a certain attraction, make an appointment as soon as possible.
If you find it fun together on the app, then you have a pleasant evening together when you meet up.
And then you don’t have a huge disappointment either because you had built up such a perfect image of him in your head after days or weeks of chatting.
And you don’t have to worry that he might not want it yet … Men are a lot easier in that than women!
So: If you find that it’s fun, and you estimate that his intentions are ok, don’t wait too long for it to get boring, but make sure you meet in real life.
# 9 How to make sure he asks you for a date
Here too we naturally think that the man should take the initiative … But you can cleverly tempthim to take the initiative.
Because seduction is your secret weapon to get everything done from him. But more about that in other articles 😉
There are literally dozens of ways to hint him to the date.
I mention a few for you:
- Oh, there is a new place there and there, I would like to go there. (hint hint)
- I love to meet people .. You can chat for so long, but in the end it’s all about seeing each other (hint hint)
- What will you do in the coming days? (hint hint)
- I haven’t done anything nice for a while, do you remember any nice places? (hint hint)
If he really does not pick up the hints, you can still ask him.
You do that again very carefully so that he can take the lead and afterwards brag to his friends that it was really all his idea!
Then you set it as follows:
Hey, spontaneous idea, shall we have a drink?
If he says yes but does not follow it immediately, you consciously give him the lead:
Do you have nice ideas?
Then he will definitely take over and you will have a great date together.